Happy Friday! I apologize for the selfie but I haven't had a chance to get at many of my pictures since I have been so busy lately.  This was my first "selfie" with the Nikon, I took it about three years ago.  I was on one of my first photo odysseys' and decided to set the camera down and aim it at me.  I set the timer and went and sat on the tree that was sitting on the beach, the camera slipped right before the picture was taken and thus it has the slightly tilted look, although I have discovered through my years of photography that I have a natural tilt when I take pictures so maybe my camera was just adjusting for my tilt.  I have been battling a bout of depression for  few weeks now and I know it has to do with the fact that winter is coming.  Last winter was so brutal not just weather wise that I really am not looking forward to it.  My anxiety has also sky-rocketed and it only grows as everyday slips closer to the dreaded off season.  I am currently on a ten night day stretch at work and being there instead of home also takes a toll.  I posted this picture of myself mostly for my own benefit today.  I need to remind myself that I am strong enough mentally to not let the outside world effect me.  I just need to stay positive and remember that everything happens for a reason.  It isn't easy living with the mental deficiencies I have (depression, ad/hd, general anxiety disorder, probably some PTSD, etc.) and for a long period of my life drugs and alcohol were the only ways to escape all of my mental anguish.  Those years were the worst years of my life and I still don't know how I escaped them.  Sometimes I ask myself what if I didn't make it through those dark years and I am living in Hell or Purgatory? I battle with my mind daily, telling myself that this is real and that I did make it out of the worse ten years of my life.  Its hard for me to give myself any credit and even when I do look back and see how horrible my life was its hard for me to believe that I did in fact pull myself from the pit of despair and absolute fear.  I spent ten years of my life running from my fears, hiding in a bottle and drinking until I passed out just waiting for the day I never woke back up.  I attempted suicide, feebly a few times and as I look at the picture of me sitting up on that log with a look of hope and wonder in my eyes I have come to the realization that the camera has been my escape, my therapy and perhaps I have been so depressed lately because I haven't had the time to escape into the natural world to reset myself and to continue to fight onward.  I owe it to all of the family and friends who stuck by me even in the darkest of hours.  This blog, the camera and my wife gave me a new lease on life five years ago and even if I never take another picture again what those things have brought me is beyond my wildest dreams.  When I was drinking myself to death the only talent I displayed was the ability to drink a whole bottle of  vodka without dying, but now I take pictures, I write again and I have people that count on me to drag my sorry ass to work everyday and that means a lot to me.  I started this day off depressed and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and believe me I will take those feelings over the darkness that used to dictate my life, any day of the week.  In conclusion I guess I feel a little selfish whining about my minute problems when there is so much more happening in the world that really needs the attention.  I may hide my emotional foibles well but it doesn't mean they are gone and unfortunately I will be battling them my entire life but that just gives me more ammunition to succeed.  In conclusion, just remember that just because a person smiles on the outside doesn't mean they aren't battling themselves inside, treat everyone with respect and kindness and never judge a book by its cover.  Thank you all for being supportive and for taking the time out of your days to come and see my blog, I really appreciate it and it has helped me more than you could ever imagine.  Have a great weekend and as always...........PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!