"I would shoot a human before I ever shoot a wolf."  That was one of my statements today at work while I had a friendly debate about wolves with a few co-workers.  I actually had a good time debating with people that know what they are talking about, a good light-hearted argument between friends is good for a person.  The only kind of debating I have ever done verbally has been out of anger or frustration, it felt good to know I didn't have to get angry to prove a point or hear a counterpoint.  I always wanted to take speech or debate classes the problem was that I hate speaking in front of people, absolutely hate it.  I don't like anyone staring at me while I am talking.  I had very small illusions of being an actor until I realized that I had the worse stage fright in the world.  I compensated for my minor agrophobia and fear of public speaking by writing everything I was too afraid to say.  I started writing to vent my frustrations, anything I had ever invisioned saying has made its way to paper some way or another.  I am very grateful that I was blessed with the ability to write but I feel like I missed out on a lot by not being able to say what I was thinking.  Speaking is much more personel than writing is.  An apologogy seems more sincere if it is spoken not written, but I have always felt just the opposite.  I think of my writing as an extension of myself, what I write is formed by how I feel.  I have written a lot of letters in my lifetime.  Anyone close to me has more than likely recieved a letter from me, either apologizing or explaing myself.  I am incapable of showing any emotion but anger and frustration in public and now that I have given up on anger, I suppose I don't show much emotion but make no mistake, I have many feelings that only my eyes and a piece of paper ever know about.  I can go months on end without talking to a family member, it doesn't mean I am mad or don't like them its just that I really don't have anything to say.  I may have uttered the words "I Love You", to a family member once this past decade, it doesn't mean I don't love them, I just can't say it.  I can write it and I am certain I have written I love you to every memeber of my family at least once in the last year.  My writing it is just as good if not better than a verbal one.  It would be nice to not be so stoic, I would love to be more open but I just don't see that happening over night.  As much as I am changing insdie I have to work on changing on the outside as well.  I used to feel like writing was a corwardly way to deal with my emotions especially when it came to dealing with people but the more I wrote the more comfortable I felt.  I still write daily, either journal entries, my blog, one of my numerous novels, or jotting down notes for one of my research projects (it should be noted that I also write my wife a love letter every weekday), it is who I am and it did make me who I am.  I hope people realize that just because I don't talk to them or see them that often doesn't mean I am a snob, or too good for them, it is quite the contrary actually.  I am a very shy and private person, I have a lot of goals for my immeadiate future and coming out of my shell is one of them, actually finishing a project is another! I guess what I am trying to get at is that I am sorry for being so introverted and if you have ever recieved an email, text or letter from me than you know how I feel and maybe someday in the future I can speak it freely, until then thanks for understanding, and believe me when I say that my written words mean a lot more than my spoken ones.  Have a great day and enjoy the first day of Spring and the below zero weather that helped usher it in!!PEACE!!!!!!!