Happy Wednesday! I took a few days off to deal with some personal issues. Honestly this year has been anything but kind to me and it has taken me quite a bit to not just breakdown completely. I have been pushed past my limit and I can feel the cold, dark blanket of depression creeping closer and closer to me and I'm in one of those two step forward three step back modes so it is only getting closer. I have done all I can to stay positive and to wait the storm out and the truth of the matter is that as soon as I wait one storm out another one comes twice as fast and twice as destructive. I have been knocked down a lot in my life and even like any prize fighter a person can only be knocked done so many times before he just wants to stay on the mat. I've been close, many times in my life, I've been on the mat until the 8 count once or twice and I've been saved by the bell a time or two but as soon as I get into my corner and refreshed I come out just to get drilled again. It is very mentally taxing especially for someone like me who bottles my feelings up. I have indeed been feeling the weight of this constant struggle just to stay up and the cold grip of massive depression is just behind me and catching up fast but I owe to my children and my wife to keep going, sure I could just give up and let the blackness engulf me but then all this fighting would have been for nothing and what kind of lesson is that for the one or two people in this world who look up to me? I am sick of feeling afraid day in and day out yet everyday that I beat the fear and the depression is another day I get to spend teaching my young son and learning from him. This picture, well the look in his eyes is the reason I can stay just one step ahead of the darkness, that is the true look of love. No matter what may hit me and what may knock me down I will continue to pull myself up one rope at a time for him and for the few others who truly love me because in the end just being loved by one person is enough to keep me here and every time I falter and start to think that maybe the darkness won't be so bad, which I will, I am human and a specially weak minded one at that, all I need to do is to look at this picture and remind myself that there is definitely at least one good reason to wake up every morning........................................PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS: I have decided to deactivate my Facebook account as I was becoming more and more despondent and angered by all the stupidity and ignorance in this world and Facebook was a medium that certainly showed it. I will share these blog posts through my cousin's account (Hubert Blaire III) and via twitter until my website gets finished (which at this point looks to be like late July now). PEACE!!!!!!!