My dear sweet wife Lucinda,
It has been just three weeks since last we saw each other
yet everyday makes my heartache more. I
carry the photograph we had done before I boarded the train. I have yet to see any combat but the Colonel
assures me that General Lee’s army is on the move. Colonel Wallace spoke to our platoon earlier
in the day and his words still ring true in my head as I write this. He had just come from talking with General
Meade himself and his voice had a hint of fear in it as he spoke, but my dear
Luci, it is what he said that struck fear in my heart.
“Boys just a few miles south of us the entire rebel army
under General Lee himself is marching straight toward Washington Pennsylvania Wisconsin
sharpshooters have joined the battle!”
He waited a moment as we all hoped and hollered when mentioning our
unit, he got serious when he finished, “Boys, nay, Gentlemen, I say that with
the utmost respect. Tomorrow we will
face the enemy and we shall show them how true warriors fight! Long live the
Republic!” Again we all went crazy, we
yelled louder than ever and I am now thinking it was as much out of fear as it
was for pride. My dear Luci, I cannot
lie to you when I say that I am worried about not leaving the battlefield not
for myself, but for you. I am ready to
give my life to ensure that all men are treated as equals, I am willing to lay
down my life for the republic, I do not want you to have to raise our children
alone, without a provider. If it happens
that I do not return as hard as it will be for you my dear you must find
another husband. I will look upon you
from heaven and find happiness knowing you are taken care of. As I write this and know that I am going to
face combat in the near future my thoughts have never been more vivid. I remember our first kiss under the old apple
tree in your father’s orchard and I have replayed our first embrace many, many
times in my head. Yesterday on our march
here we passed a great many lilac bushes and the scent made me think of you and
of home and I must admit a small part of me wanted to drop my gun and run to
you no matter what the consequences, alas my morals will not allow me to
disgrace myself or the family name, it is a damn thing to be honorable my
love. I knew since the day I signed the
army papers that there was a great chance I would see combat as my brother,
father and grandfather have before me and I have been good about keeping my
fear and cowardice away but the closer the hour comes the more my stomach
churns. Oh my dearest, please know that
you were the last thing on my mind. I
was hesitant to write this “death letter” but the thought of you not knowing
how I felt almost tore my heart even asunder than it already is. I sleep with your photo in my hand and I
carry our photo in my sock so you are always with me. I must attempt to sleep before the events of
tomorrow as I know I will need all of my wits about me. Please give the children extra hugs and kisses
for me and tell them that I love them so very much. As hard as it is for me to think of you
without wanting to run away it is impossible to think of my wonderful,
beautiful children for fear of desertion and the consequences. I love them as I love you my dear and I will
never forget you. If you are in fact
reading this I have died upon the field of battle honorably and I share await
you in heaven, please take your time getting to me.
Sincerely your true love and husband,
Captain Hiram Gerhard
Company G, 1st Regiment Wisconsin sharpshooters
Gettsyburg, pa
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